We all know that an irritated, distracted opponent will play worse. Here’s some “advanced” tips for you:
1. Call his worst rolls for him.
2. Call your second best roll, and if you roll your best roll, complain.
3. If he wins a game or match, tell him how lucky he was.
4. If you win a game or match, tell him how amazing it was you won with all those bad rolls.
5. Whenever he’s thinking about a tough play, or counting pips, tap the table impatiently, sigh heavily, and keep shaking your dice to distract him.
6. Whenever you get a perfect roll that closes him out or ends the game, pretend you don’t see it right away and make the play very slowly, acting like you’re thinking about doing something else.
7. Whenever he makes a daring play, like leaving a voluntary shot, or gambling for a G instead of doubling, and it doesn’t work—be sure to tell him you wouldn’t have done that.
8. If you gammon him, tell him he was very lucky not to get backgammoned.
9. Whenever he rolls a repeater, even if it’s a terrible roll, remind him that he really should shake his dice.
10. Practice your rolling technique so that whenever you have an important roll the dice will be off the table and you’ll have to roll over several times.
11. If you are sure you are not going to double, finger the doubling cube for a while and then change your mind.
12. Yell “YES!” whenever he rolls a really bad roll.
13. Especially if you are playing with his board, eat something really messy while you play and drip food all over the checkers and the board. (If you smoke, ashes look lovely on an opponent’s board.)
14. Whenever he has a forced play, tell him it’s forced and move his checkers for him.
15. And lastly, if you win, be sure to report it to the tournament director in the loudest possible voice.
I can guarantee you that if you use the above strategies two things are certain:
– You will irritate the hell out of your opponent, and;
– You will need a good dentist.